The Best Thing I Have Ever Done
My last piece was about the worst thing I have ever done. Still reeling from that article, I am embarking on a far more euphoric and enjoyable post.
The best thing I have ever done was become myself. AH! The cliché that makes you squirm and cringe. Don’t worry, these words have the same effect on me. Rather than rant on about philosophical ideals proposed by better minds than my own, I’ll tell you the story of my AH HA! moment.
In the fall of 2019, I was coming to terms with having to euthanize my beloved equine partner, Joss, at the height of our career. My job at the hedge fund was taxing but enjoyable. The relationships in my life, however, were hanging in the balance.
Dmitry, my now husband, was working in Georgia while I was living in North Carolina. He would come home for the weekends, but I found the weeks to be lonely and a little depressing. I was used to being on my own as we had maintained a long-distance relationship for over three years, but the loss of my horse and the stress of the job were weighing on me heavily. At this time, I invited two young women (who I always refer to as “the girls”) to come and live with me. I had plenty of resources and was able to allow them to stay rent and utility free. They always thought they had the better end of the deal, but their company was worth their combined weight in gold. I was more than happy to provide the space.
To say this time was challenging would be a monumental understatement, but the girls provided me with the greatest test (and gift) of all — to opportunity to live and lead by pure example. I was nearly a decade older than them, so they often sought my advice on many life struggles. I found myself in the unique position of having a profound influence on someone, and I did not take the responsibility lightly. Rather than spouting off pithy advice to portray a sense of “togetherness”, I told them I was figuring it out just like them. We discussed the importance of courage and taking the time to think for yourself. Days and nights were spent discussing philosophy, psychology, economics, romance, and everything in-between. They watched me struggle and fail as well as succeed and prevail. My ode to Dr. Seuss.
It was through my practice with the girls that I found myself becoming the person I wanted to be. If I spoke of courage, I had to be courageous myself. If I were to instill the principle that “the truth will set you free”, I had to be always, unrelentingly truthful. You could say I was in a sort-of parental role, but the relationships were far more reciprocal. More representative of Master and Apprentice, although I think all of us would have a great chuckle at the idea of me being “Master”. The surprising part of this whole saga was that while the girls believed I was their instructor, the truth is they taught me more as my apprentices than I ever taught them as their mentor. Even more importantly, I had to act out the advice from the painful lessons I had learned to have my words and actions exist in accord.
On the other hand, I found a world opening to me I could have only conjured up in fanciful daydreams. This process of guiding two young, incredible humans required me to come to terms with certain aspects of myself. I had to accept mistakes I had made and the ill tendencies I possessed in addition to taking on the challenging of changing myself from within. This realization led me to an even greater revelation — the only thing you can truly control in life is your mind. Those who master the whims of their psyche through extensive study and discipline are the master creators, the gods of their own reality. If you want to change your circumstances, it first starts with your mind.
The Ah Ha! moment was subtle and extended over many months of contemplation. In other words, this “moment” was more of a process rather than a sudden realization. The more I acted on my contemplation — and by default, became more authentic in my actions — the more I owned and took responsibility for every single decision. From this process, I saw my life transforming into the one I always wanted but believed to be unobtainable.
No, I did not immediately obtain wealth, status, or even good health. This transformation was ensconced in hardship, suffering, and lack. What I did gain from my time with the girls and the subsequent months that followed was real, absolute clarity. Along this journey, I discovered meaning, purpose, happiness, love, and gratitude for all things. This period became the defining moments for the rest of my life.
We all have this capability and power. There is no circumstance too grave that you cannot overcome. It all starts with you. Enjoy being you!
