Becoming Livi
2020 was one for the record books. I do not believe a single soul on Earth escaped the tumult the ensconced our world. From shaky elections to raging pandemics, few came out of that year unscathed. With all the grief and chaos, it is easy to forget what we may have gained in that ghastly year. You will not find this solace in a news article or trendy podcast. For this type of insight, you must travel deep within yourself, your mind, and ask what you may have gained as a result of what you have lost.
For me, I had been losing for a few years. I was nearing my 30th birthday and taking stock of my life. At 27, I was worth millions of dollars. By 29, the debt collectors were serving me court papers through the local sheriff. I had become a nationally ranked athlete in the equestrian sport of 3-Day Eventing. Not even six months later, I was tragically forced to euthanize my equine partner, Joss, due to an unrecoverable pasture injury. As head of Investor Relations for a respected hedge fund in the cannabis space, my job was prestigious by most measures. It was certainly better than my humble beginnings starting as a bank teller in rural Alabama. However, this job would be the potential end of my relationship with long-term partner, Dmitry, and this relationship was the thing I cherished the most.
So, when 2020 came roaring in, I was faced with several major life choices. First, the fund manager was consistently dropping hints that I would soon be required in New York full-time. This prospect was truly nauseating but the job was one I fought so hard to land, and I was not about to give it up lightly. I spent my entire twenties dreaming of a position like this one. I would be an utter fool to throw it away.
But that is exactly what I did.
You see, Dmitry’s career (and other things…) had taken him to Georgia while I was living in North Caroline. He had been pleading with me to move to Georgia for months, but that would endanger the job with the fund as it was clearly in the opposite geographical direction. As most women know, we have a sort of sixth sense when we feel our relationship is slipping away from us. Its that dark place you don’t want to look. That shadow you are trying to escape but is ever present. The more you try to ignore it, the greater the pressure and the need to act. Disregard these forces at your own peril. I could not ignore mine any longer.
Faced with jeopardizing my career and losing the love of my life, I took the advice of an eccentric and infamous cybersecurity pioneer who once told me, “Follow your heart and see what happens. You will get in trouble. You will be hurt. But that is the only way you will truly live.” Against my better intellectual judgement, I did just that. I followed my heart and moved to Georgia, to the very top of mountain. In this beautiful and magical place, I underwent a transformation that can only be described as transcendent. Together, Dmitry and I faced our demons, understood the power of forgiveness, and embraced the idea of doing one thing well. As it turns out, the one thing we decided to do well was to love each other. If we accomplished nothing else in this world, we would do that.
Friends, I am hear to tell you, this is not for the faint of heart. This decision led us to forfeiting our financial careers, eloping in a small town outside of Atlanta, and embarking on the most incredible journey of becoming “The McKays.” Which brings me to the title of this entry. I did not start this life as Livi. Many people know me as Grace Livingston or Grace Francez depending on the timeframe in which you met me. Before becoming Livi, I was merely latching onto other’s identities for a sense of security, for a sense of belonging. When 2020 rolled around, there was only sanctuary within myself and my chosen partner. The solace I discovered was in the acceptance of who I was, what I have done, who I had become, and who I wanted to be.
It was in that moment that all the stars seemed to align. Livi McKay had been a online name I used for my loud mouth on anything cannabis or liberty related. Working for the fund, I did not want my opinions to jeopardize their operations. When I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to speak publicly about my story with therapeutic cannabis and holistic medicine, I chose to do so under Livi McKay for the reasons I mentioned before. So, as fate would have it, when Dmitry and I decided to commit ourselves to one another for this lifetime and beyond, we wanted an identity that was wholly ours. One that represented who we were together and who we were to become.
As for our chosen namesake, “McKay” is my middle name, my grandmother’s maiden name, and translates as “happy” or “joyful”. And there was no better was to signify our internal state to the rest of the world. As for Livi, it was my homage to Livingston. A name that created who I am today, and one I will always be grateful to.
The integration of all experiences has led to the most incredible opportunities and happenings. Nothing can replace the meaning and love that entered my life as a result of following a madman’s advice. Maybe its time for a different way.
